[Hornath]

 

[Moffast]

  kanske beror ju på hur känslig man är.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkeFxSHfXo4

[guest1645]

Doctor's Office | Ottawa, ON, Canada
Me: “Good morning, Dr. ***’s Office, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to make an appointment with Dr. ***. Can I speak with him?”

Me: “Sorry, he’s with a patient right now but if you give me your information, I’ll set up an appointment for you. Are you currently a patient of Dr. ***?”

Caller: “Yes, I was a guinea pig of his when he did lithium experiments on me back in the 1940’s.”

Me: “Um… I think you got your dates wrong. Dr. *** wasn’t born at that time.”

Caller: “Oh, then in the 1950’s. It was in the 1950’s and he and the government were running secret experiments on me at that time.”

Me: “I doubt that, he would have just been a young child at that time.”

Caller: “Then it was the 1960’s, d*** it! It was at the [hospital] in Alberta in the 1960’s.”

Me: “Dr. *** has never practiced in Alberta. He wasn’t even living in Canada at that time.”

Caller: “Are you calling me a LIAR?”

Me: “Well, considering that Dr. *** is my dad, I think I’ll take my word over yours.”

Caller: “Well, then we can’t do business. No, we can’t do any business. Goodbye!” *hangs up*

Me: “Wow…”
Hitta fler på http://notalwaysright.com/

[DeadHead]

Frågan är varför jag läser "Dr. ***" som "Dr. Ass"? 

[Enos Pork]

Hitta fler på http://notalwaysright.com/

Fick mig att minnas en annan sida. Läs och njut(?) http://techtales.com/tftechs.html


Your company put water on my motherboard.

The ISP I work for (Xtra) just launched a closed portal called Bubble - This is one call we got that just shows people think technology can do anything.

Customer Perception: Email
Notes:
Cust believes that there is moisture in his PC as a result of downloading the bubble.

- Cust believes he has taken the PC down to the local PC technician and found that to be the issue.

Advised cust that this can not be the case as the bubble is a piece of software, not a physical bubble.

- Cust maintains that it is an issue caused by the bubble and he needs a new motherboard.

Advised that the bubble is not capable of producing moisture as it is a piece of software.

- Cust then advised that he has been an share holder in our company since 1993.

- He advises that he was a foundation shareholder.

Advised cust that this may be the case however it does not change the fact that the bubble is not a physical bubble and that it is physically impossible to transmit a bubble over an electrical current or a frequency.

- Cust then supplied the following email address: ******@anotherisp.net.nz

Advised that it is then odd that the bubble was downloaded by his son in law on to his PC as it is only for Xtra customers.

- Cust wants to know what Xtra are going to do about his PC.

- Cust advises that he has been reading about the trouble that the bubble has been causing and wants to know why we would put moisture in people PCs.

Advised that there were issues - software related, however we are not putting moisture in peoples computers.

- Advised that I cannot help with his PC as it is not an issue incurred by Xtra.

Referred cust back to his local PC tech.


There was a simpler answer we could have given:

Advise the customer that in our opinion, the problem lay with the organic interface and that the customer should seek the advice of a PC technician: Xtra will be happy to pay for repairs if the PC tech proved that the problem was moisture from the Xtra bubble.

[Loophole]

[Tahlanos]

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office....

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,'.. And where do you think you're going....



(You're gonna love this....)




She said, 'I'm going home, too. You can't possibly expect me to work in the dark!

[Bishonen]

någon som är sugen på en baconklubba?

http://www.lollyphile.com/maple-bacon.php

 

[shadowskimmer]

"Ska du följa med hem på litet baconklubba?"

[guest1325]

Fick som sms idag säkert hörts redan men jag tyckte den var kul.

Min underbara flickvän och jag har varit tillsammans i över ett år och vi beslöt oss för att gifta oss. Det var bara en liten grej som störde mig. Det var hennes vackra lillasyster. Hon var 22, bar tjata shorts och var ofta utan bh. Hon böjde sig ofta fram när hon var nära mig och jag fick alltid se mer än vad jag önskade av hennes privata delar. Det måste ha varit medvetet, hon gjorde det aldrig i närheten av någon annan.

En dag ringde lillasystern och bad mig komma över för att se över bröllopsinbjudningarna. Hon var ensam när jag kom dit och hon viskade till mig att hon hade känslor och längtan för mig som hon inte kunde komma över. Hon sa att hon ville älska med mig bara en gång innan jag gifte mig och tillägnade mitt liv till hennes syster. Jag var i chock och kunde inte säga ett ord. Hon sa "jag går upp till sovrummet och om du vill ha en sista vild svängom, bara kom upp och ta mig"

Jag var som förstenad när jag såg henne gå uppför trapporna. När hon kom ända upp drog hon av sig trosorna och kastade dem nedför trapporna mot mig. Jag stod en stund, sen vände jag mig om och gick rakt mot ytterdörren. jag öppnade dörren och gick mot min bil.

Men ser man på, hela min blivande familj stod där ute och klappade händerna. med tårar i ögonen kramade min blivande svärfar mig och sa " vi är verkligen glada att du klarat vårt lilla test... vi kunde inte önska en bättre man till vår dotter. Välkommen till familjen!"

Och sensmoralen i den här historien är:

"Förvara alltid dina kondomer i bilen!!"

[DeadHead]

 

[Airam]

PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS
A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB ... (NOT AT HOME)

BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS E.G.; GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.

WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don’t.

WINE - (BOTTLED, NOT 4 LITRE CASK)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.

SPIRITS SUCH AS CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually – you’re in!

CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait..

SPIRITS SUCH AS JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they’ll think you’re a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!

IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

CIDER
He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.

CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

GUINNESS
He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.

WINE
He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

[guest1645]

 
How true, how true...
 

[Loophole]

Veckans bilägare:

http://www.yttermera.se/motor/veckans_bilagare/index.html

 

[Braxen]

Tom som var nygift, sa till sin fru:
 - Du måste ha helt klart för Dej vissa saker som gäller i äktenskapet.

På lördagar ser jag på V75 och fotboll. Fredagar och onsdagar puben med grabbarna, och Solvalla kl 21.30. Glömde säga att tisdagskvällar då har vi sen golfträning.
 
- Ja ja, svarade nyblivna hustrun. Du ska veta en sak, att här hemma knullas det varje kväll kl 21.00 - antingen Du är hemma eller inte........