[Tahlanos]

 

Yupp.. my kind of humor...

[Tahlanos]

En gammal klassiker.. vet inte när den låg här senast.. men skojig är den..

Sydsvenska Dagbladet:
Våldtäktsman dömd till 2 år i Eslöv
(Fy för att tillbringa 2 år i Eslöv!)

21-åringen anhölls misstänkt för grov stöld av åklagare.
(Åklagare är hett eftertraktade på Svarta börsen har jag hört!)

Nordvästra Skånes Tidningar:
Mannen dog medan kvinnan avled.
(Och skillnaden är...?!)

Örebrokuriren:
Gynekolog hittade knarkgömma.
(Var undrar man genast?!)

Svenska Dagbladet:
Färre gökar i södra Sverige.
(Vilket låter märkligt med tanke på hur många barn som fötts hittills i år!)

Ingen av de omkomna hade livshotande skador
(Istället dog de av...??)

Upsala Nya Tidning:
Högsta Domstolen prövar manlig omskärelse.
(Tur att man inte är anställd där...)

Bergslagsposten:
Inga spår efter skidåkare.
(Han måste ha flugit fram)

Huset som brann ned till grunden blev totalförstört.
(Nähä...?)

Ölandsbladet:
Mindre poliser till Borgholm.
(Vad är maxlängden?)

Helsingborgs Dagblad:
Vi skriver alt dåligare.
(Det jör vi vel inte!)

Dagens Nyheter:
Audis dieselversion av A8 imponerar med sin låga bensinförbrukning.
(Inte undra på!!)

Expressen:
Svältdöd blir vardagsmat.
(Vad blir då festmat?)

Dagen:
Lam pojke bortsprungen.
(Hur lam var han sa du?)

Aftonbladet:
Arbetslösa har rätt till dagisplats.
(Då är de ju åtminstone sysselsatta!)

Polisen grep torsk i fiskhamnen.
(Var hittar man annars torsk?)

Storgråtande bedyrade den 30-åriga porrstjärnan sin oskuld.
(Yeah right!)

Östersundsposten:
Krockade med älg på motorcykel.
(Åker älgar motorcykel...?)

Metro:
Yrkesmördare misstänkt för mord.
(Vadå, han gjorde ju bara sitt jobb!!)

Tre greps för våldtäkt på Finlandsfärja.
(Hur stor är sannolikheten att det finns TRE män som tänder på Finlandsfärjor??)

[Loophole]

Inför söndagens F1-premiär har jag fått tag på lite insideinfo om förarna som kanske kan underlätta för den som i sista stund tänker betta på racet:

A day in Formula 1.

5:30
Alonso wakes up. Carefully makes his bed nursing all the structure

9:00
Fisichella wakes up. Starts crying.

Hamilton wakes up. Ron Dennis helps him take ashower and get dressed

Felipe Massa wakes up. When he gets up from the bed, he crashes against the bathroon door.

David Coulthatd wakes up. Puts aside 2 of the 5 girls he spent the night with. Goes to the bathroom and shaves with a 30 cm knife.

Tiago Monteiro wake up. Doesn’t get up cause he doesn't know if he is still a F1 driver.

Mark Webber wakes up. ups. he's already dressed.. oh.. look taking his breakFAST...

Jenson Button wake up. Calls David Coulthard to ask for a girl.

9:30
Alonso eats breakfast. Milk, orange juice, vitamins.

Fisichella stops crying and puts something in his mouth.

Ron Dennis feeds Hamilton.

Coulthard eats a girl.

Button eats a girl Coulthard didn’t want.

Massa is at the hospital.

Raikkonen wakes up. Breaks the bed with his bare hands while drinking water.

10:00
Alonso starts his test. Drives quick an steady.

Hamilton asks Ron to pee.

Fisichella offers Flavio to paint the new Renault. Flavio accepts and the car was revealed on jan. 24

David in the shower

Jenson in the shower.

Kimi reaches breakfast. Refuses the Italian food. Drinks a bit more of that water. Pushes the waitress.


10:30
Alonso clocks big

David cocks big

Jenson realises he lacks a bit of both

Kovalainen is turned "on"

Hamilton has a little fever. Ron takes him to the hospital.

Fisichella claims the new Renault design is not suited to his driving.

Raikkonen listen to his I-pod "lets work... be proud..."


12:00
Alonso lunch. Healthy food. Gives an interview to support poor children.

Hamilton gets confused with a poor child

Kovalainen is turned "off" meaning he doesn't eat.

Fisichella dreams of becoming world champion

Webber is already dining.

Massa was sent to the shrink cause he was making races with a wheel chair in the hospital.

Raikkonen reaches the circuit. Ferrari mecs give him a fiat Stilo JTD saying its the new Ferrari. Kimi goes out and comes in a bit disappointed as the car broke down and he was 2 secs off the pace.

Monteiro calls Berger to know if he is still a F1 driver.

Coulthard eats for the first time.


14:30
Alonso is developing the Mclaren and gives a ride to hamilton so that the boy understands how it's done.

Fisichella dreams of becoming world champion.

Frank Williams thinks of hiring Massa .

Button goes shopping before someone calls him and says he is a F1 driver

Monteiro would like to receive an identical call

Renault engeniers download an upgrade for kovalainen from the internet that might make him develop a personality. Or at least make is hair go down.

Raikkonen got drunk on water.


18:00
Alonso has dinner and is ready to go to bed.

Hamilton watches cartoons

Fisichella tries new colour schemes to the renault

Kovalainens hair doesn't go down

Coulthard's kilt attracts some men in the red bull team

Felipe Massa calls Todt. The French manager says he didn't miss anything from the testing as Schumacher came and developed the car until 2012.

Raikkonen breaks his I-pod because he always listens to it on max volume.


22:30
David Coulthard is in bed. He needs to sleep. Meaning he gave Jenson Buttton 2 girls and 1 to Hamilton so that he can lose virginity. Ron is there to help. And to lose it too.

Fisichella goes to bed. Dreams of something.

Kovalainen turned "off".

Raikkonen goes for a ride in a bike. Gently passes a few cars on the highway.

Tiago Monteiro goes to bed and thinks .. " I wonder....?"

[Ceder]

 

[DaddyLongLeg]

Jag var med om en ganska bisarr upplevelse igår. Jag stannade på en Statoilmack i Ale för att köpa en Raider och en kopp kaffe.

Expediten var en liten torr kvinna som såg ut att härstamma någonstans från Balkan. När jag slänger upp min choklad på disken frågar hon mig på bruten svenska.

(hon) -Vet du vad tet tär är?
(jag) - ????
(hon) - Tre negrer i en såfsäck
(jag) -!!!! äeeh, va faaan. . .
(hon) - Vadådå, tet var en neger som sade det till mig!

[Airam]

 

för att köpa en Raider...

Raider? Heter de inte numera Twix... eller hur gammal är farbror? 

[RythmDivine]

Pwnd!

[MooseMan]

"Take it easy, take a raider"

[guest253]

My pirate name is:
   
Iron Sam Flint    
 
A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky.  Arr!
   

 http://www.piratequiz.com/

[Airam]

Your pirate name is:
Mad Morgan Cash

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You're musical, and you've got a certain style if not flair. You'll do just fine. Arr!

[guest319]

Captain Sam Roberts

Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. Two things complete your pirate persona: style and swagger. Maybe a little too much swagger sometimes -- but who really cares? Arr! 

[MooseMan]

Black Sam Rackham

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

 

[guest583]

Bloody Harry Flint

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

[Tahlanos]

Black James Rackham

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times.
You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!


Ni känner säkert min bror
Black Sam Rackham alias Mooseman 

[Buz]

Iron Harry Flint

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!